I did a radio interview this week with Keith Lucas on Castles Team Radio.  The other guest was John Hamilton, who teaches people the finer points of negotiation.  His website is Keep Negotiating.com.  John is very smart and insightful: I know this because he enthusiastically agreed with all the points I made – and vice-versa.  Here are a few issues we discussed:

• A lot of people are embarrassed to question the price of something because they’re afraid of looking Cheap.  As I’ve said before, there’s a big difference between being Cheap and Frugal.  There’s nothing shameful in trying to get the best price for something, but it is evil to have your house guests turn blue because you refuse to turn up the thermostat.
• John correctly pointed out that negotiating is not only about the price of something.  There are often more personal elements that come into play.  My friend Laura was house-hunting and found the place of her dreams: a sprawling ‘60s home on a hill with a striking view.  The house was not in great condition, but Laura is passionate about mid-century architecture.  The competing buyers saw it as a teardown.  Laura was the only one who promised the elderly woman seller that she would respect the integrity of the design, and gradually restore it to its original glory.  She got the house even though the other offers were higher than hers.

I buy so much stuff that I’m forced to have a ginormous yard sale twice a year, with hundreds of tasty items. It’s a great opportunity to study people’s bargaining skills. Here are some approaches I do not recommend.

• “How much?  That’s ridiculous. I could get it cheaper at K-Mart.”
• “Thirty dollars? I’ll give you five.”
• “I can’t pay ten dollars. Here’s one-fifty, but my money is special. It’ll bring you good luck.”
• “Twenty dollars? Oh gee, I only have eight bucks with me. Will that do”?

These bozos are being insulting, aggressive, and manipulative.  Why would I want to give them a break?  Here are some techniques that do work:

• “You have such cool stuff. If I buy a lot, can you give me something off?”
• “That’s a fair price, but it’s a little high for me. Any chance you could do better?”
• “I love your hair!”

That last one gets me every time.

It helps to give the seller some insight into who you are. I happen to have a soft spot for teachers. They are undervalued and underpaid for the important work they do. A pleasant young women at my sale said “How much for the big box of construction paper and charcoals? I teach special needs kids and they love crafts projects.” I gave it to her for free, and she’s become one of my regular customers. She always buys clothing for herself, and I pick up paper and art supplies throughout the year to donate to her class.

WHAT CAN YOU LOSE BY ASKING?

You’d be surprised at how many store owners are open to friendly haggling.  For starters, you can always ask for a discount if you’re paying cash, or if you’re buying multiple items.  My brother-in-law Søren is a champion negotiator who gets markdowns in clothing boutiques, furniture and appliance stores – even hotels.  He does this by being charming, sincere and civil, and by believing that it never hurts to ask.  We were on vacation in Italy, and wandered into an eyeglass store.  Søren asked to see a fabulous pair of designer shades, but he wasn’t comfortable with the price.  He pointed out, in a pleasant way, that this was October, so the season was over – plus he offered to pay cash.  He succeeded in getting a lower price.  Use your judgement, though.  All the charisma in the world isn’t going to lower the price at the gas pump.

Some people are constitutionally unable to haggle. Kim actually said to the flea-market vendor, “Only ten dollars for that vase? Oh, no, I feel I should give you twenty.” Kim is no longer allowed to come shopping with me – but she’s very welcome to shop at my own sales.